She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
