just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
