Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
