Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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