a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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