Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
