Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
