I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
