Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
