Whod you bang
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
