i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
