I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
