just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
