just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
