Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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