I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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