First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
