Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
