I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is Oprah even human
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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