I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
