sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
