i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
