So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
