I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
