Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
