Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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