I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you inspire me to be a worse person
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
