I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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