You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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