drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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