Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
