I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
