wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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