I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
