my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
