I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
