I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
