he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
