Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Someone signed my nipple.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
