Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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