yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
