girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
