Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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