The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
