k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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