my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
