I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
