I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
