I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
