your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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