there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
