john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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