You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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