Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
