worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
