I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
