she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
