At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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