Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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