He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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