you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
