I'm really into asian looking animals
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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