He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
