I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize