dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
