You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
